Every now and then I'll go on a Twitter binge and post a bunch of writing tips or pet peeves or whatever else is on my mind that day. So since I have the TimeHop application on my iPhone I can see what I posted in previous years on this day. And apparently two years ago on this day, I went on a writing tips binge so I was inspired to do it again this morning.
For those of you not familiar with Twitter – if you're posting something under a topic you want people to be able to search on and follow, you use a hash tag. And mine was #writingtips. So since a lot of my Facebook friends either aren't on Twitter or don't follow me on there – I have a TON of Facebook friends…lol…I decided to do a blog about them so everyone could experience my warped-ness… I know – if you follow me on Facebook you already get a big dose, but hey – if you can stomach that much, what's a little more, right?
Again, for those of you who don't Tweet – you can only use 140 characters in your tweets so that's why some of the funky abbreviations. I didn't type them all fresh – I copied/pasted…LOL!
Now for those of you who have had me edit your books somewhere in your past – some of these will look familiar – and you're already used to my warped sense of humor…LOL! But you may even have more "Tina gems" that I don't have on here…
So here we go! Here are mine – feel free to add your own in the comments – especially the fun ones!! Don't give up too early – some of the really fun ones are toward the end of the list! :)
1. #writingtips If a cock leaps 2 attention, it had better have little feet & B ready 2 run across the room...LOL!
2. #writingtips If writing anal scenes - don't do a BrokeBack Mountain thing - sliding in w/ one stroke w/ no lube would HURT! Ouch!
3. #writingtips Another bad euphemism: "Dangling globes of manliness" - ACK!! Just say NO!
4. #writingtips If you aren't getting hot and bothered while WRITING your sex scene, no one will while reading it!!
5. #writingtips Make sure your hero and heroine's internal thoughts & dialogue sound different. Each character's should be unique.
6. #writingtips Usually if a sentence begins with And or But, the 'and' or 'but' can B removed without changing the sentence & will read better.
7. #writingtips Action/reaction. Let us see the character's reactions to things - internal thoughts, emotional reactions & physical reactions.
8. #writingtips Don't forget to SHOW emotions in your scenes. How are the characters feeling? SHOW US!! Don't TELL us.
9. #writingtips A hero who looks at, fantasizes about or 'plays with' other women than the heroine (unless it's a menage book) is NOT heroic.
10. #writingtips Heroine can't flirt/cheat on hero either - NOT heroic, If they both agree to a threesome etc - fine, but not outside of that.
11. #writingtips When writing romance, a hero who is a jerk or treats her badly is NOT a hero. Readers want a romantic hero - give it to them.
12. #writingtips If your hero knows every brand name your heroine is wearing - he's gay, folks! Which is fine if you're writing M/M romance. :)
13. #writingtips Be realistic. Most guys (sorry guys) can't come four times in an hour...some women can...Don't make readers roll their eyes!
14. #writingtips Word choice - jizz or love juice - YUCK! Just use come or orgasm. Don't gross the reader out!
15. #writingtips KNOW your reader demographic - for romance - mostly highly educated women 18-50 Don't talk down to them!
16. #writingtips If hero/heroine are running for their lives & stop to have sex - they kinda deserve to die...Just sayin' LOL...
17. #writingtips Call it what it is. It's not a 'man rod' or a 'love shaft' or a 'steely length' It's a penis or a dick or a cock. Really...
18. #writingtips Don't be afraid of words - use them, but use them well. Her yawning moist cavern is just icky! Sooo not sexy!! :(
19. #writingtips Afraid of using the "C" word? If can be done..lol! Read my Seduction series - used in non traditional way, but readers loved it.
20. #writingtips "Clit" is better than a euphemism like "love button" - ACK!
21. #writingtips Word choice matters. Thigh is sexier than leg. Breast is sexier than boob or tit.
22. #writingtips If heroine/hero are chafing - and handcuffs aren't involved - get them some freaking lube, ppl! LOL...That's just not sexy!
23. #writingtips If a scene doesn't move the story forward - cut it! Seriously!!
24. #writingtips World building: Make the rules for your world/characters & then don't break them! You'll lose the reader's trust...
25. #writingtip sMake sure U know your book's timeline. Keep a chart. If 3 nights have passed, but it's never bn dark-better B a paranormal LOL!
26. #writingtips If your prologue is just an excuse to do a backstory dump -cut it! Only use those when absolutely needed to set up a story - RARE
27. #writingtips If writing a sex scene & you've never done whatever it is U R writing about - talk to someone who has!! Seriously!
28. #writingtips Avoid using euphemisms that will make most people laugh - "his hairy man sack" is just gross! NOT sexy...lol!
29. #writingtips Anything that pulls the reader out of the story & gives them the chance to put the book down-weed it out of your writing!
30. #writingtips Try 2 avoid giving all your characters in 1 book names that R2 similar or all start w/ same letter-could confuse reader!
31. #writingtips Use of "locks" for hair has become cliche - seriously. PPL have hair, not locks unless it's a padlock in their hair – ouch!
32. #writingtips Use age appropriate language 4 yr characters. If yr 20 year old heroine says "Golly gee" - that's odd & jarring 2 reader
33. #writingtips Schedule a time each day 2 write, sit butt in the chair & write-brain will get the hang of being productive on cue.
34. #writingtips Watch repeated words used close together -distracting for reader. For me it's usually a diff word in each scene I have to edit!
35. #writingtips "Mary was scared"=Telling. "Icy tendrils of fear raced up Mary's spine"=showing. Paint a visual picture!
36. #writingtips Try to avoid using was/ing combos-makes it kind of passive. Was running can become 'ran' :)
37. #writingtips If yr pacing is slow & dragging-go back & make sure yr conflict is big enough & difficult enough! Conflict drives pacing!
38. #writingtips READ widely. Pay attention to writing you enjoy & writing you don't and figure out why on both counts!
39. #writingtips Don't use flowery writing-readers like simple writing that paints a visual pic, not something schlocky & makes them groan!
40. #writingtips Make sure your events aren't out of order. pick up book, walk to door, open it, walk through, out of order won't work here.
41. #writingtips If your hero is "hard enough 2 drive nails" he needs 2 call the # on the back of the Viagra box!! That's not healthy!! Ouch!
42. #writingtips Avoid cliches - find a new, fresh way 2 say something! Make it yours. Cliches R distracting 4 the reader & don't add value.
43. #writingtips Remember even when writing that heroes usually don't want to kiss a heroine right after she's "swallowed" - Jarring for reader.
44. #writingtips If your heroine's vagina is "weeping" - there's salve for that...LOL! Get her to the doctor! Ewwwwww!!!!
45. #writingtips Make sure the action is w/ the character, not the body part. Fists won't clench on their own, the character clenches them...
46. #writingtips Beware of over repeated actions. If yr heroine is always sighing the reader is gonna wnt 2 kill her by the 10th time...seriously?
47. #writingtips Keep in mind yr job is 2 paint a word picture 4 the reader so they cn C the pic U have inside yr mind when writing the scene.
48. #writingtips Beware of wimpy verbs that don't give reader a visual picture - words like 'put', 'got', and 'went' Use a more descriptive verb.
49. #writingtips If the heroine's heart clenches inside her chest and she's short of breath, she's not in love, she's having a heart attack!!
50. #writingtips Who vs That. If you are talking about a person - use 'who'. If you are talking about a thing - use 'that'.
51. #writingtips Get rid of "filler" words like "just" and "that", which don't add much value.
52. #writingtips Write what you mean. If a heroine leans INTO a hero - that's gonna hurt & require surgery - she's prob leaning AGAINST him.
53. #writingtips Watch out for body parts gone wild. Eyes can't fly across the room unless they have little wings. Gazes can though...
54. #writingtips Purple prose is distracting & annoying & doesn't help your story, it only discredits your writing in the eyes of the reader.
55. #writingtips Remove exclamation points, use your words 2 carry the emphasis, not throwaway punctuation that distracts the reader.
56. #writingtips If hero's "member" has a head the size & color of a large plumb, he's got medical probs & his partner will NOT be excited!